The Struggle vol. Quiting Cigarettes

Its been heavy on my mind lately, but I feel that its time. Once I’m 23 in October, it will mark 5 years since I became a smoker. Started casually whenever I went out and was a social smoker. It was all for that hit, the buzz, the lightheaded-ness that came with inhaling the toxins. It enhanced the feeling of being buzzed and drunk and I loved that feeling. At home or work it made me feel relaxed and calm when I would be super stressed out. All temporary enlightenment though. Now I believe its mind over matter, that shit does not help at all.

Just mentally reminding myself that it will be 5 years makes me cringe. Never thought I would ever become a smoker in my life because I didn’t have a lot of family that would smoke. It wasn’t till I grew up and started having friends and older cousins started smoke, that I tried it myself. No one forced me, no one peer pressured me, didn’t do it to be cool, just smoked and enjoyed it.

I really had no where to share this but I’m anxious to finally start easing off on it and eventually quit all together. Since the 5 years the difference between the first one and the one I had this morning is quite huge. Everything is better the first time around, and now it feels more like a chore to spark one up. I don’t know how successful I will be in this, but I’m sure glad to try for my first time to quit.

Only TV show I’ve watched from beginning to end and after the series finale last night it feels like I lost some family and friends. I am far from a TV person, no Breaking Bad, Walking Dead, none of that. I basically grew up with How I Met Your Mother during my adolescence and it feels weird to just have it end after seeing how all the characters developed over the years.

So many life lessons learned that I will never forget. I don’t think I can probably get into another series that will touch me like this one has even if the ending to everyone’s story was a little of a let down.

Only TV show I’ve watched from beginning to end and after the series finale last night it feels like I lost some family and friends. I am far from a TV person, no Breaking Bad, Walking Dead, none of that. I basically grew up with How I Met Your Mother during my adolescence and it feels weird to just have it end after seeing how all the characters developed over the years.

So many life lessons learned that I will never forget. I don’t think I can probably get into another series that will touch me like this one has even if the ending to everyone’s story was a little of a let down.

It Just Feels Right.

I’ve always tend to ignore social media on family related days. I get jealous and envy the people who have a strong structured family. It’s just the human in me…

The thing is in the past few years I’ve learned to overcome that jealousy and envy. Mine isn’t perfect and will never be but I’ve come to accept it. We don’t communicate well, get a long too great but being in their presence just makes it feel right. I don’t know if we will ever accomplish any of our American Dreams, but the fact that we are sharing this journey makes it worthwhile and that much sweeter if I ever make it to where I want to be.

Time.

Seems like time, everything and everyone is passing me by. So many things are changing and evolving around me but I yet to do anything but procrastinate and take it day by day. I’m even skipping out on a family trip to Thailand in a few days SMH. I’m gonna stay back and slack for a month while my family is half way across the the world.

I just wish there was someone/something to guide me a long the way of figuring what the hell I want to do with myself. I guess that’s the shitty part about growing out of adolescence and into adulthood. You can’t rely on anyone but yourself.

It seems like I’m falling further and further away from family too. People tell me to do this, people tell me to do that but listening to others tell you what they want of you isn’t going to help. I want to find something that makes me happy and truly worth it be it school or work. Doing that and ignoring people just makes em think I don’t care. I don’t want to make someone else happy if I’m not.

I don’t want to look back when I’m old and say I should of done this and done that. I’m not putting my future in danger by taking any risks either so I think my procrastination isn’t THAT bad. It’s bad enough to where I know I’m slacking but I think it’s better than diving in to something I can’t back out of. I just wish time could slow down or stop so I can figure a lot of things out.

Fragrance of Fall.

The last stretch of the year when the streets glimmer, the rain thickens, and the air is crisper. I love fall and winter and the feeling it brings. Being a Pacific NW Native, there is quite nothing like this time of year. It is beautiful. The rain and coldness is what defines us, embrace it.

For me fall and winter brings me warm feelings of family. Separate holidays happening in 3 different months. There is always something to plan for and many things to do. It brings my family together IMO.

The sun comes down sooner and theres nothing like staying in during the evenings catching college football or some NBA. Just a nostalgic feel for me.

Just the whole vibe is something to me. The colors of fall leaves, the grey skies, the feel of the cold air…definitely my favorite time of year.

August 31st-September 1st, 2013

Fun few days with the birthday boy Eric Inthavong and Anthony Meas. Went downtown Saturday night to Voicebox. Pre-funked at Jerrys house with my peoples and got a ride downtown with David, Sheila, Kyle and Danny. Sang our hearts out at Voicebox and also tried Sake for the first time…totally not my type of drink.

Met up Angie and Andrew after that and dipped to Blitz Pearl where everyone and their mommas were at that night. Met and caught up with a lot of people then we headed out to Harlem to just chill with our group of friends. Then we went back to Davids house with Lanthi and her friends and killed a few bottles of Henny. Called it a night after that and spent the night at Davids.

Woke up with David passed out by my feet, Jerry to my right, Kyle on the floor and a few others scattered around the house ha. Eric and Junior came back and we all basically kicked it again while a few of em were working on fixing Davids deck. Sidney, Kavay and Danay also ended up coming to Davids since we were gonna BBQ.

Ended up grubbing on steak, chicken, salad and oysters to good company reminiscing about the night before. Eric ended up giving me and Junior a ride home so I dapped up the homies and bounced.

Now we’re all planning a beach house before Summer is officially over on the weekend of Sept. 20th. This will be my 3rd and probably last one of the year at a beach house so I’m gonna have to go HAM this time ha One Love.

First Car Accident vol. WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That was no fun at all. Luckily it wasnt major and just a fender bender. There were many variables to why it happened but who cares, I was at fault at the end of the day so the little details dont matter to the insurance companies. At least the gentleman I hit didnt flip out. I was meeting up my parents to drop off our cable bill at a parking lot by Bi-Mart. I clipped the back of his parked car while searching for a Comcast bill on the passenger side.

Multitasking FTL. Wasnt like I was texting or something but my full attention wasnt on the wheel. Didnt help when you have a mom across the parking lot screaming at you to find the Comcast bill either SMH. Oh well I cant blame her honestly. Another variable was that it was at 9 freakin AM. Just woke up and it didnt help that I drove a mammoth of a Toyota Tundra either.

Oh well, time to man up, take the loss and move on. Adulthood SUCKS. More bills…YAY!

I Think Its Time to be Pro-Active

What am I doing with myself honestly? 3 years ago, I wouldn’t picture me like this. Time to start being active and pursue my dreams. Need to go back to school, frequent the gym I should be in my athletic prime right now. I shouldnt be shooting ping pong balls every Saturday night, I should be working on my jumpers.

I shouldnt be deciding my career path I should be interning and fighting for jobs. Tryna stay thirsty but when you’re constantly drinking water you’re contempt and hydrated. I guess working and getting these small checks was fools gold. #Foodforthought #Selfreminder #Pushharder #Alwayssomeonebetter #Dontbethatguy

August 8th, 2013

No matter how much you grow apart, the friends that have been there since day one will never part.

Spent the day on Xbox with Kyle, Junior, Kao, Bobby and Kavay. Was on FIFA with Kyle and Junior till they came over and kicked it with Kao. Also saw Kelvin too when he dropped off my sister with Nai and his sister.

It felt like one of those summer nights back in High School. Nothing fancy but good company and good vibes. We played games all night and cards mainly 13. It was just one of those cool nights with no drama.

No bars, no downtown, no bitches just cards, beer and xbox. It feels good to kick back once in awhile. Now its basically Friday morning. Im kinda itching to go out but lets see whats in store for the weekend!