Its been heavy on my mind lately, but I feel that its time. Once I’m 23 in October, it will mark 5 years since I became a smoker. Started casually whenever I went out and was a social smoker. It was all for that hit, the buzz, the lightheaded-ness that came with inhaling the toxins. It enhanced the feeling of being buzzed and drunk and I loved that feeling. At home or work it made me feel relaxed and calm when I would be super stressed out. All temporary enlightenment though. Now I believe its mind over matter, that shit does not help at all.
Just mentally reminding myself that it will be 5 years makes me cringe. Never thought I would ever become a smoker in my life because I didn’t have a lot of family that would smoke. It wasn’t till I grew up and started having friends and older cousins started smoke, that I tried it myself. No one forced me, no one peer pressured me, didn’t do it to be cool, just smoked and enjoyed it.
I really had no where to share this but I’m anxious to finally start easing off on it and eventually quit all together. Since the 5 years the difference between the first one and the one I had this morning is quite huge. Everything is better the first time around, and now it feels more like a chore to spark one up. I don’t know how successful I will be in this, but I’m sure glad to try for my first time to quit.